envy.....

you hunger for the friendships that you witness around you, but your personality prevents it. you really only feel comfortable around the people you already know, and that's who you're truly yourself around, and you have this mental block that prevents you from being that person around other people, and no matter how hard you try, when you do try, you just can't think, and it just doesn't feel the same. and even if others approach you in a friendly way, it catches you off guard and you start to feel awkward, and in turn they start to think you're awkward, and after a while, you're "that kid", and everyday, it hurts.

Tommy Sandoval lady and gentlemansssssss.....ssss.....sss...ssss...XP

my mind is frozen in time, i have no thought process, i just have frustration
my thoughts are bombarded at the fact that this blog will probably have to make up for past failures
my frustration wields with it an anger brought about by incapability
i'm scared that this compound of emotions can't be expresses verbally
maybe i'll get what i wanted, just not the way i wanted to get it
Anyway...........Tommy Sandoval- Ride The Sky

Homesick Zombie

And so it seems that the Lord saw fit to bless the stranded city of Pine Bluff, Arkansas with a week of probably the most beautiful weather I have EVER witnessed in my life. And believe it or not, it was also the biggest nuisance i have ever encountered in my life, because for a week straight, i could think of nada but skating.  I mean the weather was too perfect, and i had to walk to every class with this one constant thought pulling at my sleeves like a disgruntled 3 year old.  With no board, nobody at my school that skates, no place to skate, i had no choice but to die slowly every time i walked outside.  Even now i can't stomach the tension brewing in my heart. I wish i could go home and rewind the clocks back a year.  I miss the smell of sweat, the hard comfort given by concrete, the thrill of it all, the best times of my life.  So i figured I'd bless my 5 followers with some footy from some of my faves, and this will continue throughout next Friday, or until i feel that I've gotten this bug out of my system.  This clip brought to you by Cory Kennedy, only a AM, but that's been a longstanding joke amongst everyone in the scene.....Cory Kennedy (pyramid sequence made me orgasm)...(jk)....

I thought she was different.......

Why? Why are we found incapable of decision? Why can we never truly know what we want? Why, when a person has made a list of the positives and negatives pertaining to a spouse, the #1 position is held by, "The sex is awesome." ? Why does this event prevent me from determining the most shallow partaker in the relationship? Why did no one think this was disgusting but me? Why do people demand a spouse that's experienced, yet if they grow to really care for that person, they can't help but feel jealousy when they encounter someone from the past that helped them become that way? Why? Because we're stupid. The solution? Shut up.

MAN CAM!!!!!!

So tonight was also quite eventful. I really can't believe I was the force behind this, but tonight I got my friend drunk for the first time in his life, and coincidentally this was also the first time he ever drunk in his life.  He had one cup of Burnett and could not control himself! And, it's funny, and memorable, but deep down I feel kind of bad about it.  This really isn't the way I want to leave my mark on people, you know??  And now if he becomes an alcoholic or something I have to live with this guilt that I was the catalyst to the whole downfall.  I saw him start acting a little funny after he drunk my cup behind my back, and I was going to cut him off, but then I thought that maybe if he really does get drunk and experience all the side effects, then maybe he'll never drink again.  Tough love if you will. But I don't know, tomorrow is his birthday which really doesn't help the situation, but hopefully this won't end in turmoil. 

ba-da-ba-ba-bahhhh SHE"S lovin it..........

Has everybody seen that McDonald's commercial with the little black kid having to put on his glasses when he gets up to the counter, and then at the end the little female in the store turns around and gives him that look, and the announcer/commentator/both those are the wrong word but the right one escapes me at the moment says,".....and that gives him more time to do other things kids his age do???   Is it just me, or is that look she shoots him just a little bit too much???    I mean, you don't give somebody that look when you want to play, you give somebody that look when you want to "play". hahahaha  I mean I sat there and was scared that this might turn into a child porno, I mean a REAL child porno. lol I don't know, it's just a random observation. 

Leonardo Be The Man

Well today was eventful.  meaning that it was normal. besides the fact that I went running today for the first time since I've been here.  Two weeks of inactivity = me happy that there's grass on both sides of the trail, because nobody wants to step in the feces that comes from the opposite side of the body. also besides the fact that my cousin came to see me and took me out to eat with some of her friends that still go to college here.  shockingly that is probably the highlight to my current stay here at the University of Arkansas Pine Bluff, I actually had a reason to do something off campus besides drinking and smoking, breaks are wonderful.  Oh and even that was eventful, because today I wore a shirt that displays a weed leaf in the design of the adidas symbol (niceeeeee) with the word addicted written under it, and just my luck a squad of police officers were at the same restaurant we were.  So as I was walking out of the bathroom one of them started staring me down with intensity, and i thought to myself, "Hey self, the saying says i should fight fire with fire", and that's exactly what i did.  Except my fire was spread by pride and an attitude of "catch me if you can", and hers was spread by the need to fill her violent appetite for confrontation, among with other cravings.  The same cravings that people on the opposite side of the law must fulfill, but society tells her she's justified.........she simply just chose a different side.  anyway, looking back, i guess today wasn't the personification of normal.  :)