Hi, one and all.  Usually when one presents himself after a hiatus a grand entrance is the standard requirement, however, i have no real news i would like to comment on, for i have begun the process of separating myself from the rest of the world.  In some ways it's peaceful and relieving, i feel safer than i have in a while, in other ways it's stressful because I now have to prevent myself from falling to the temptations i see around me.  But aside from that note,  I sit in a hotel room with my old man, whom i love very much, reminded of an occurrence that has labeled me host and it parasite.  About two weeks ago, on a friday night, i was leaving the cafeteria of my current place of self-education, and while exiting i found myself parallel to a group of peers that seemed to be wrapped in their own world.  As i opened the doors, i did so with caution as to not cause harm to a fellow classmate that seemed to be unaware of the door's presence as she herself was also walking out, however, the door still came inches close to hitting her and her exaggerated ego.  One of her friends decided to warn her after the near-incident that she needed to watch where she was going before she got hit, to which she replied with ignorant confidence, "NAW, CUZ I WOULDA BEAT HIS ASS!!!"  I, being the "slow-to-wrath" kinda guy I am, decided to keep walking and pay the statement no mind, truthfully i never even got the impulse to turn around and counter the blow,  for the statement didn't anger me but rather hurt me on an emotional level.  Call me soft, sensitive; I'd prefer disturbed, depressed, and disappointed.  Immediately after feeling this wave of emotions, i felt my heart rekindle all the lost hate i had for my current place of residency,  and the only reaction that seemed to appease my mind was the thought of getting as far away from this place as possible, and so i did.  I went to my room, packed a pair of jeans and a shirt into my backpack, and left the campus headed for home, all on impulse.  Along the 6 hour drive back home i of course had time to think, and i began to question why this was the only course that seemed to ease my mind, and i came to the conclusion that subconsciously, at a time when i had engulfed myself in hate, my mind decided that it needed to surround itself with the things it loved, like home, and family.  Plus the drive itself was calming, for me there's something about coasting along the highway in the dead of night, it's just peaceful, free.  Anyway, of course as soon as i got there i was bombarded with questions from my parents regarding my surprise visit, and i told them why, and they told me i shouldn't have let such a thing get to me so much, and normally i wouldn't for such things have happened before, but for some reason this occasion was different.  The next morning i set sail for Houston.  My cousin goes to nursing school there and lives in the downtown area, and i love her very much, so i wanted to see her, so i did.  Me and my mom drove down to spend a day with her, and it was very nice, the exact resolution for the situation.  We went to a famous cupcake shop called Sprinkles where it's 3.50 a cupcake, but i would actually call it money well spent to tell you the truth.  They make their cupcakes with 100 percent organic ingredients and no additives and the sort, and every bite is so moist and groundbreaking.  Although I think they lack a wide variety of flavors.  I mean, if you open up a gourmet cupcake shop of the sort one would expect wacky, out of the box, experimental flavors that one wouldn't normally see, but i digress.  i think everyone should eat a sprinkle cupcake at least once.  Then since i love sushi we went to a famous sushi restaurant there named Ra.  Awesome stuff. I even got to take a few shots of hot sake, which was my first time having the beverage by the way.  So that was exciting.  Then we went to see "The Dilemma" with kevin james and vince vaughn, i was surprised at how much i liked it.  And so ends the weekend for the most part.  I would call it a 90% success.  The only thing missing was the secret alterior reason i wanted to go to Houston.  My cousin has a friend whom i have nicknamed Pebbles, they met last year when they became roommates and have been besties ever since.  The thing is i've grown to have a strong affection towards Pebbles.  Truthfully "grown" isn't the word, I was hypnotized from first glance, and her presence lingers in my mind everyday, immovable.  Apart from these regrettably persistent feelings, what hurts more is the fact that i'm near certain they'll never be returned, and i'm scared that one day i'll look back on my life to find i dedicated it to a fantasy.  But anyway, i wanted to see Pebbles because for some off reason she has been the only one capable of pulling me out of one of my emo rage moments of depression.  She did it by rubbing my right cheek in the gentlest way possible.  I've never felt so loved.  But at the same moment i felt mad and confused, because in the back of my head i knew that in her mind she did nothing special, and at the same time i wanted to cry tears of joy, of loneliness, and of pain.  Every love poem i've wrote, past, present, and future, the ones i have posted on this blog, they're all meant for her.  After rubbing my cheek she then drew a light-hearted caricature of me, and gave it to me, and it remains to this day hung on my wall back home, and it shall remain hung at every place i call home, whether she is present or not.  Such things aren't healthy, and i now refer to myself as a crazed stalker of sorts, but i don't know if i can help it.  Plus now that i have decided to embark on a spiritual journey, even if i did have a chance at affection it probably wouldn't be the best road to travel, for i know in many ways we are and were the same, and religion is the farthest thing from her mind. So i've found resolve in locking myself away on an island, loving not her but the thought of her, and hoping that that will be enough, while knowing that unless i feel her love it will never be enough. But I try.   Even now, all those feeling rekindle, and they make me want to write, write, write away........i've been told that this is love, i'm inclined to agree wholeheartedly, but i don't believe i have the right to know what love is, nor do i have the right to tell her any of the things i've disclosed to whoever had enough patience to continue reading to this point, but i'd lie if i said i don't long for her everyday.  Anyway, before i write more, i will end this entry, and say that love controls. Everything.